Friday, December 18, 2015

Separated at Birth, part 11

Ho ho ho! Welcome to this special Christmas edition of Separated at Birth!

A long time ago I wrote a post about Benjamin Harrison and how I have to struggle to remember he exists. My aunt commented that this surprises her because she "always think[s] of him as the most grandfatherly president." She pictures him "surrounded by little kids listening to him tell stories." Then she said he reminds her of Edmund Gwenn, the guy from Miracle on 34th Street.

The thing that surprised me the most about her comment is that she has actually given thought to Benjamin Harrison. I didn't know that was something anyone had ever done. Ever.

I already had a "Separated at Birth" planned for Benjamin Harrison, but on my aunt's suggestion, I did another.

First, B. Harrison and Edmund Gwenn (I guess...I admit I've never seen the entire movie. I know, I know!)


Second, B. Harrison and Andrew Carnegie, who generally isn't as beloved as Santa Claus, but who did give a lot of money to charity and built libraries and stuff.


Merry Christmas from Presidentress, and Benjamin Harrison!

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Presidential Christmas Carol 2015

Last year I started the grand tradition of rewriting a popular Christmas song to give it a presidential theme. The other day I posted last year's masterpiece, Cleveland the Creepy POTUS, and now it's time to reveal this year's offering, about Warren G. Harding.

So curl up next to the fire with a cup of hot chocolate and this photo of Harding. Gaze into his eyes and sing this song about him, set to the tune of Frosty the Snowman.


Warren G. Harding 
Was a suave, determined guy. 
He carried on with a bunch of broads,
One who was a German spy.

Warren G. Harding
Was a ladies' man they say.
Forget Teapot Dome, he liked to roam
And bed all kinds of dames. 

There was a girl from his hometown
Whom he was keen to hit on. 
And that is how he got involved
With a mistress named Nan Britton. 

Oh Warren G. Harding
Should have been a bit more cautious
But his whole plan was to get with Nan
All around his senate office. 

Humpity hump hump
Humpity hump hump
Look at Warren go. 
Humpity hump hump
Humpity hump hump
Was she looking for some dough?

Warren G. Harding
Learned Nan was in a family way.
But he said, "That's great, don't bloviate.
I'll help you with our babe."

Down by the seashore
Nan gave birth to Harding's daughter. 
She accepted things like coats and rings
And the cash that he'd allot her. 

He was elected president
But kept their secret life. 
Nan looked forward to the moment when
She'd hear him call her "wife."

Oh, Warren G. Harding
Had to take a trip out west. 
He went and died; people'd say Nan lied
And the truth would be suppressed. 

Scribble and scrawl all,
Nan wrote a tell-all
To make a formal plea. 
She said it was unfair,
She put it all out there.
What return to normalcy?

Notes:
First, that ornament(s) up there? That's the 2014 White House Christmas ornament featuring a train that Harding took (and got to drive for a few minutes!) when he took his fateful trip out west. The train later carried his body back after he died in San Francisco. Good times!

I actually got the idea to write this song shortly after finishing last year's song about Grover Cleveland. The names "Warren G. Harding" and "Frosty the Snowman" go so well together. At the time, I had planned on the song being more about Harding's affair with Carrie Phillips, the potential German spy, but that plan changed a few months ago when DNA testing showed that Harding really had fathered a child with Nan Britton.

In case you've forgotten from your high school history class, Teapot Dome is the name of a major scandal that took place during Harding's Administration. (It involved oil fields, not teapots or domes.) He probably didn't know about it, but since it happened on his watch, he gets the blame.

I wanted to work in the word "bloviate," one of Harding's favorites, and also the term "Return to Normalcy," Harding's campaign promise to help America get back to normal after World War I. (Dave Barry, in Dave Barry Slept Here, questions whether "normalcy" is even a real word. It is, but it sounds fake, doesn't it?)

Anyway, have fun singing this song while wrapping presents or baking cookies. If you go caroling this year, make sure you add it to your repertoire and see how people react!

As my New Year's Resolution, I promise to try to stop writing so much about Harding, because I know other people don't find him as fascinating as I do. We'll see how that goes.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Presidentress Gift Guide 2015

Happy Holidays, everyone! If you're looking for the perfect gift for the strange presidential pseudo-historian in your life, you've come to the right place! Below is a list of things that I love, meaning they would make great gifts for the special historical nerd in your life.

Note that some of the links (namely, the Amazon ones) are affiliate links. Buying stuff through those links helps support this blog at no extra cost to you. All the other links are non-affiliate links that do absolutely nothing for me, but that shouldn't stop you from buying stuff.



First up, any book by Sarah Vowell. I've written before about how she's one of my very favorite authors, and she should be one of yours, too. Her writing is funny and intelligent, the best combination in my opinion.



Some artwork from Veeptopus. Nothing says "holiday spirit" like a Vice President with an octopus on his head. I have a few pieces of Veeptopus artwork, and I won't rest until every home in America does.



Presidential building blocks. I don't actually own these, but only because I can't justify the cost. But maybe someone in your life is worth $88 to you.



Another one of my favorite things is J.D. and Kate Industries, the people behind Hottest Heads of State and the amazing online novel Senator Dracula (still in progress). Now you can show your support for Senator Dracula with a fantastic bumper sticker!



Presidential Pez Dispensers. Prez Dispensers? The Kennedy one only goes back, not back and to the left. (Too soon?)

Feeling like being charitable or supporting a non-profit? Presidentress has gift ideas for that, too.


The annual Christmas ornament from the White House Historical Association, this year honoring Calvin Coolidge, would look amazing on anyone's tree. The ornament looks like a little Christmas tree and includes tiny ornaments representing details about the Coolidges. For example, there's a raccoon in honor of Grace Coolidge's pet raccoon, Rebecca. (I'm not making that up.)

If an ornament representing Rebecca the Raccoon isn't enough for you, the Association also sells plush Rebeccas. (Still not making this up.)


And if you still can't get enough of presidential animals, you can help Mount Vernon "Buy a Mule for George." They're raising money to, well, buy some mules. You can donate in any amount, but a $50 donation will get you a stuffed mule.

Go out and stimulate the economy! (Or just follow these links and stay home while you stimulate the economy, because that's easier and more comfortable.)

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Cleveland the Creepy POTUS

Last year I gave my Facebook friends a very special gift: A Christmas carol about Grover Cleveland. Now, as the holiday season approaches once more, I share it with the rest of the world as well.

Stay tuned for another presidential Christmas song later in the month, too! (Presidentress: The gift that keeps on giving.)

With no further ado, here is Cleveland the Creepy POTUS, set to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer:


You know Taylor and Tyler and Arthur and Clinton
Wilson and Hoover and Truman and Nixon
But do you recall the most lowlife leader of all?

Cleveland the creepy POTUS
Had two very separate terms
And if you really knew him
It would likely make you squirm.

He date-raped a widowed woman 
Then she went and had his son.
He had her declared nutso
And locked away from everyone.

His best friend had had a kid. 
He watched her grow up. 
After the friend met his fate,
He wanted her to be his mate.

People thought he'd marry her mom
But he married her instead. 
Cleveland, the creepy POTUS
Your story cannot be unread. 

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Thanksgiving with a Twist

Every once in a while, I encounter a story so amazing that I can't wait to tell everyone I know, to stop strangers on the street just to spew amazing facts at them. In a way, I guess that's kind of what blogging is---spewing stories to friends and strangers---and I'm going to take advantage of that now.

A few weeks back, I found one of those amazing stories. While I was on a plane on my way to a conference, I read an article in Mental Floss magazine about how Thanksgiving used to be more like Halloween, with kids dressing up in costumes and going door-to-door asking for food and treats.

At first I didn't believe it. I consider Mental Floss a credible source, but I had never heard of this practice and I suspected maybe they were planting the seeds of an urban legend. (People have been known to do that before. I'm still not entirely convinced the Billy Possum story isn't an elaborate hoax.) But when I got home I googled it and found several other sources, including the New York Public Library, confirming such a thing, and libraries don't lie.

So that's this all about?

Well, back in the 19th century, destitute people would go door-to-door asking for help for Thanksgiving. Some kids, being enterprising twerps, I guess, started dressing as beggars and doing the same thing. When Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving an official holiday, cities began hosting masquerade balls. Then in New York City, people just went crazy with the idea and held parades for Thanksgiving/Evacuation Day (commemorating the day British forces left Revolutionary New York), complete with costumes and drunken revelry.

Although adults would eventually stop participating with costumes, the tradition for kids was firmly in place. The "Ragamuffins" would dress up and walk around their neighborhood demanding food or money. In New York, at least, Thanksgiving was sometimes known as "Ragamuffin Day," and although the practice seems to have been concentrated there, kids in Chicago, Los Angeles, and other cities apparently participated in this tradition, too.

At first people thought this dressing up and begging was cute, but eventually it got to be a hassle in New York, with aggressive kids harassing people on the street. People would heat up pennies until they were red-hot, then throw them into the street to watch kids scramble to pick them up and then howl in pain. Ah, the goodwill of the holidays!

Eventually educational and civic organizations started sponsoring parties and parades so kids could still dress up but without the annoying harassment (and probably to protect them from molten pennies).

Then the Depression came, no one had spare food or change anymore, and the tradition started to die out. According to the Mental Floss article, the tradition basically ended there, but according to the New York Public Library account, the tradition stuck around a bit longer in certain boroughs of New York. Commenters on that article state that kids continued the practice in some areas into the 1950s and '60s. There are a lot of people saying they thought they were crazy because they'd tell stories about dressing up and going door-to-door on Thanksgiving, and people would tell them surely they meant Halloween. Another person tells of a friend who moved from New York to a wealthy Houston suburb in the 1960s. Because the family moved just prior to Halloween they didn't have a chance to go trick-or-treating in October, so the mom sent them out "as usual" dressed as beggars on Thanksgiving, causing their new neighbors a lot of confusion (and causing embarrassment for the family).

This is an amazing story that I'd share on this blog anyway, but I might have found a way to make it extra-presidential, too. Although kids initially dressed as beggars in tattered clothes, eventually the costumes expanded to include homemade or store-bought masks and costumes. These included patriotic masks like Uncle Sam, and things like police officers, clowns, and whatnot.

I found an old Martha Washington mask for cheap on ebay, so I bought it for my "random presidential crap" collection. Could this be a Ragamuffin Day mask? I have no idea, but I'd like to think so.

Now, when you gather around the table this Thanksgiving, you can regale everyone with the tale of Ragamuffin Day. If you really want to bring back an old tradition, throw on a costume, knock on your neighbor's door, and demand food.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Cooking with the Presidents: JQA Pumpkin Bread

If you haven't noticed, fall is upon us. Like any good American, I've been craving pumpkin stuff, including pumpkin bread. Unfortunately, all the recipes I've tried lately have...been lacking in one way or another.

When I stumbled upon a recipe for John Quincy Adams' pumpkin bread, though, I felt like it was divine intervention, or at least worth a try.

Confession time: I've never used fresh-roasted pumpkin to make pumpkin everything. I've always used cans (of pumpkin puree---not pumpkin pie filling; I have some standards). I've been wanting to roast my own pumpkins, though, and I figured a John Quincy Adams recipe gave me the perfect excuse.

I guessed that one small sugar pumpkin wouldn't give me the two cups of mashed pumpkin I needed for the recipe, so I bought two. But then before I got around to making this, one of them went all gross and squishy on me, so I was down to one. In a way that was a good thing, because dealing with the slimy innards was a lot more time-consuming and disgusting than opening a can.

I wound up with about 1 1/4 cups of pumpkin, so I basically halved-plus-somed the recipe, meaning I halved everything then added a bit more. It was very scientific. I did stray a bit when it came to the ginger and sugar. I added the full amount of ginger, and didn't add any extra to the halved amount of sugar. That wasn't done for health reasons or anything. It just seems that recipes call for way more sugar than they needs. I felt bad second-guessing John, but whatever. I also didn't add more than the halved-amount of eggs because that would have been impractical.

Anyway, to make the recipe as I did, you'd need:

1 3/4 c. flour
1 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. salt
1/2 TBSP cinnamon
1/2 TBSP nutmeg
1/2 tsp. ginger
1 1/2 c. sugar
2 eggs
A little less than 1/2 c. water
1 c. pureed pumpkin (cooked or canned)

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix together the flour, baking soda, salt and spices. Add the other ingredients and mix until incorporated.

Pour batter into one or two loaf pans, depending on how big you want your loaves.

Bake about an hour (probably longer for one large loaf), cool, and enjoy!

In the end, I had wound up with enough for two decent-sized loaves. I had planned on sharing one with relatives who live down the street, but...that didn't happen. (Sorry, guys.)

The end result? Really, really good. The bread was moist and flavorful yet mild. This is the pumpkin bread I've been looking for. Thank you, John Quincy Adams!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Hamilton: The Musical

Several months ago, a friend told me about Hamilton, a largely hip-hop musical about, obviously, the life of Alexander Hamilton. The show debuted Off-Broadway in February and then on Broadway in August. I thought the idea sounded awesome, of course, but until I heard the soundtrack last week I didn't realize just how awesome it is.

I've listened to the soundtrack five or six times in the past week, and I keep finding various songs from it stuck in my head. The good news is that you can also get these songs stuck in your head---for free! They're all available on YouTube, or you can stream the soundtrack for free if you have Amazon Prime. Or buy it. But listen to it somehow, because the lyrics are intelligent, the music is fantastic, and the songs tell a thorough story on their own, without your needing to see the performance (which I'd love to do sometime, but that involves going to New York).

If you don't have time to listen to all 46 tracks right now, here are some of my favorites.

This is one of the first numbers, taking place on the eve of the Revolution. It's kind of long but it's catchy and sets up a recurring theme. Alexander Hamilton says, "I'm not throwing away my shot," in this case referring to his chance to take part in the uprising. But the idea of not throwing away one's shot recurs through the musical, sometimes figuratively and sometimes more literally, referring to the act of someone shooting his gun far off-target in a duel. (No spoilers!)


My favorite numbers might be the ones performed by King George III, who comes off as a jilted ex-boyfriend. This one, in a more pop-music style than the other songs, is a hilarious love letter to the colonies, claiming that they'll soon realize their mistake and return to him:


Finally (for this post, not for the musical), I like how this number does such a good job expressing the animosity between Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson. Plus it actually makes interesting the debate about whether or not the federal government should assume the states' debt:


Seriously, if more of American history were presented as a rap battle, people wouldn't find it so boring.

Now go listen to the rest.